Brief tears in Ithaca

Hi Girls!

I had such a great time seeing all of you over break! Currently I am back at school for rush week- which has not been going so well for me, and I'm only on day 3! There are 13 houses on campus and in the first two days you had to walk around and talk to all of them. There were maybe 5 that I felt that I could see myself in and that I thought I had a good connection with. Today, we met with our Rho Gamma groups ( basically a mentor) to get our invitations back. The Day before we preferenced 10 out of the 13 houses that we'd like to go back to. I only got asked back to 2 out of a maximum of 10. I was quite bummed and surprised. All of my friends got asked back to at least 6 so today I went through a sort of "why me" phase - then I decided to look on the bright side! Those houses obviously didn't like me as much as I liked them - they didn't want me- maybe I wouldn't have been a good fit. The whole process is a bit daunting ans superficial. Maybe its because I'm black, or not very tall, or skinny, not pretty, or maybe its because I don't wear designer brands. I can't dwell on that - I can only go to the houses that asked me back and be interested, cheery and ask questions. Who know's maybe I'll get a bid, or maybe I won't. My friends on the other hand annoyed me a lot. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but going on and on about ALL the houses you have to go back two seems a bit insensitive to me. I'm going into the second round today with a positive attitude, a smile and an open mind. If I don't end up in a house I'll be okay, I'll find other activities to get involved in on campus, join club fencing or something. I started writing this post wallowing in self-pity but now I'm totally pumped for what will happen later on it the day. Tomorrow you'll go to a maximum of 7 houses- most will not get asked back to 7 - and the day after a maximum of 3. I have no idea what the next couple of days will bring, I'm super excited, a whole lot nervous, I keep thinking "what if I don't get a bid" "what if I get dropped in the next round by both" "what if...what if..." But I can't think like that. That type of thinking crushes your spirit like no other.  In the end, maybe I should not have rushed- putting yourself out there and finding a whole lot of rejection is tough stuff. But hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? -thanks Kelly. I'll keep an open mind.

I don't know. I'll keep you posted.

-Ky