The Freshman Fifteen is so real

Hello Friends!

I'm so sorry I missed my posting window- I was going to post last night, but I got sidetracked by karaoke night. Procrastination at its finest. I do believe that we are all now at our respective campuses, and I hope everyone is doing well! Before I delve into the details of my week, I just wanted to say that the Freshman Fifteen is so real. I've been eating so much ever since I got here, and there is no time to exercise (well there is but why exercise when you can go grab some ice cream with friends?), so yay bring on the pounds (not really).

My week at HC has been great, lots of open houses and orientation-esque activities to attend, so little time to do anything personal. My desk is littered with pamphlets, booklets, and flyers and thank goodness I have a single in our suite because otherwise my roommate would hate me for being so messy. Our rooms are pretty small, but we do have a common room and an in-suite bathroom so I think that more than makes up for it. We have a variety of freshman dorms, each dorm has its unique qualities and is divided into entryways. My dorm is one of the smallest ones (has 34 people, my entryway has 18 people) whereas one of the larger dorms has 234 freshmen. We also have our own courtyard, which is really nice as there are not tourists pressing their faces against the windows here (yes, it happens very frequently in the dorms that are more centrally located).

My suitemates are nice too, there are two Doctor Who fans here Jordan, and they share the double room (which is beyond cramped, I feel really bad). My other suitemate has the other single, and I rarely see her because she is off doing her own thing until all hours of the night. She seems pretty cool, but I see her less often than my proctor, so who knows?

As a natural introvert, all the new faces has been pretty overwhelming, and it's exhausting to continue putting myself out there to meet new people. It seems that people have already formed their groups, and I feel like I haven't yet found my niche. And there has been some despairing over whether I ever will, but I remind myself that the year is still young and classes haven't even started yet. Speaking of academics, I have made a big decision. I know that I've been going on about biomedical engineering for the longest time, but after some soul-searching I think I've mostly given up on it. While I continue to be fascinated by the work that is being done in that field, I realized as a pre-med also hoping to get a citation in Chinese (it's like a recognition for mastery of a language here) and to minor in global health, psychology, or neurobiology, the path of biomedical engineering is too straight and narrow to continue on. Instead, I am thinking of studying cellular biology, and even though I am sad about giving up (I feel like I'm being weak), I think I made the right decision and I will be a lot happier in the future.

In other news about my social life, I never realized how large a presence alcohol would have here. There have been parties nearly every day these past two weeks, and many of them have been pretty out of control. Two nights ago, there was a freshman class-wide dance to which many people showed up completely wasted, and I was rather uncomfortable watching my classmates grind and make out with each other all around me. Ick. I might go to a party at our neighboring technical school tonight, because I heard their parties were so much better, but we'll see if I can find anyone to go with. Because school hasn't really started yet, parties seem like the only chance at social interaction, and while I like parties, I do not like the life-threatening consumption of alcohol, so I really can't wait until classes start, which is on Tuesday. We don't actually enroll in classes until the end of the week, so we "shop" the classes we want to take. It's nice, but the freedom is not optimal for a really indecisive person like me. I'll let you know next week how the whole process went.

Wow, this turned out to be really long, and I think that's it for now. There's apparently a petting zoo event, so I am super psyched to go play with some baby animals.

Until next week! I can't wait to hear about your weeks!
Love always,
Juliet

Drama Queen

Hello gurlies, let me spin you a yarn...

First of all,
I miss you, with every fiber in my being. I want to see you guys again, talk to you face to face and ask you what I should do with my life, because I honestly feel like no one here could understand me as much as you guys do and there are moments where I actually feel emotional pain because missing you hurts so much.

Second,
Today completes one WHOLE WEEK on this campus, and while at first I was scared of the nature surrounding me, I now realize that human nature is worse. I have been doing orientation from Thursday to Sunday, and Monday was the first day of actual classes, so I've been getting cozy with my fellow SU-ers. While my classes are fine (and some are actually fun) there has been too much drama and I'm already exhausted. Let me remind you that I have only been on campus for ONE WEEK and already I have dealt with a stalker and rape scare.

Let me begin with my stalker (TT):
He was in my O-Team, a group of freshmen that had an upperclassmen teach them the basics of SU life. At first, he seemed like a cool dude. He gave me the piece of chocolate that the O-Team leaders had distributed and we talked for a bit. The next day he sat next to me at this survey that all the freshmen had to take. Again, we talked for a bit and exchanged numbers (something that everybody had been doing so it wasn't weird nor did I think it sent the wrong message). My girlfriends left us because they finished the survey first, and we ended up walking alone before he left to go to some activity but it turns out that it didn't start until later. Since he lived in a dorm that all of my friends wanted to visit, we asked if he could let us into the building. Once inside another (different) guy asked us to go into his room because he wanted more girls inside, so we quickly decided to leave. TT followed us around the WHOLE NIGHT (including coming back to our residence hall) until we said we had to go to sleep. The next day, he wanted to order pizza and chill in his room... No. See you at the Freshmen-Wide game of Simon Says??.....Sure. Are you going to the party at TRAX (the college nightclub)?....Maybe, I don't know.  Well suffice to say he came to the party and spent the whole time looking for me, and when he found me he did a whole "Oh hey, didn't see you there, what's up?". Guys, my small talk was so small it was the size of an amoeba and as soon as I could I ran into the crowd. Well, he decided to keep looking for me, until he overheard my friends say that we were going to leave, when he left (although he didn't see me stay behind in one of the corners of the club doors). Here's where it gets worse: the next day he comes up to my room UNINVITED while I was taking a nap. Thank goodness my friends were able to get rid of him but the next day, the first day of classes, he texted me asking what my schedule was, and when I didn't respond, he texted me a picture of HIS schedule asking when we could meet up. No response from my end, but that didn't stop him from coming to my room again and giving me a box of M&Ms that he had gotten when he had gone to the movies with the football team. I asked him to leave, which he did, but I was really creeped out so I got my RA involved, and so far I haven't seen or heard from him since.

Now to the rape scare:
At the TRAX party there was a girl {DB} I had just become friends with that day, who had done some pre-gaming (if you know what I mean ;) ). Behind her, trying to get his groove on, was this guy who was being a little too touchy feely with her. He kept trying to lead her into this back room, or upstairs (where there were dark corners with couches) with his hand on the small of her back. We were on high alert when my guy-friend brought it to out attention. But after some questioning we decided to let him walk her back to her dorm (which was in our hallway). However, I didn't really trust him, and called my roommate to ask her to check up on her and make sure she was ok. Well, not only was {DB} drunk as all hell, she was in the room of a girl who had alcohol in her room and the same guy from the party. We all rushed back, and struggled to get her out of the room. When the Vodka-girl wouldn't let us take DB back to her own room, this sophomore that we were with encouraged us to tell an RA (who also happened to be one of her good friends). The RA and HR took care of it, but now every time we see the creeper guy, he gives the girls this look, and my guy-friend this glare.

That night was scary as all hell, not just because of my stalker and the creeper guy, but because everyone on this campus (and during orientation weekend it was just freshmen) was a lil buzzed one way or another. Walking back from the club we saw girls following guys into their rooms and vice-versa, closing the door behind them. One guy tried to grab my friend and pull her somewhere before she was able to break free and run away. That night the girls were nothing but a commodity, something that the guys wanted, and now had the freedom to take. I don't think anyone got raped that night (at least I don't know), but it was scary to think that I wasn't at good ole Hack anymore. I was alone and had to start defending myself, and that made me break down and cry. Not snotty, letting it all out cry, but a soft, teary cry, where your feelings slowly leak out but don't really bust the levees. I didn't feel like anyone here could understand me, and I also hate strangers seeing me cry, so I called some people, but given the fact that it was 12:30 AM, no one answered, except for one guy...and I think we all know where this is going...

HE picked up right away, asking me what was wrong, if I was ok. Now granted, he was drunk, but it was great to hear a familiar voice telling me that it was going to be ok. That if I ever needed anything to call him, and if he didn't pick up that he would call me as soon as he could. To calm down, don't think about your stalker, if the girl is fine now just let it go.Now, I hate myself for loving the sound of his voice, but at that moment, I really needed it, and he stayed on the line until I had to go shower, when he said "Good night, I'll try my best to tuck you in". And the next morning I got a text, "Do u know I still remember YOU CAN CALL ME WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE DOING SO...if I don't pick up its cause I didn't hear/see it and ill hit you up as soon as I do". He called me on move-in day as well, because we had been texting and he knew how panicked I was.

I know that you're all rolling your eyes right now, and I know I'm stupid for letting him in again, but crap has gone down this summer that I never expected, and at this moment he's the closest one (in terms of physcial distance) I have. I want you guys, but if I want to get away I can't visit you at 2 hours away. Given the fact that my roommate is chill, I doubt I'm going to want to leave all the time, but when she goes through her mood swings (like she is right now), all I want is to leave. Living with someone 24/7 is exhausting, and while we try to focus on our commonalities, its hard to look past our basic differences. Sometimes I feel like she dismisses my feelings toward things that I find important, and I know there are things she likes that I don't understand but....I don't know...its different. Like when I was crying she kind of huffed and gave me a hug, because she knew there was no reason I should be crying, but that it would have been mean of her not to console me. She's sweet, but she doesn't get me. I wish I had you guys here to understand...

Tonight there's a movie night outside on the lawn. We're watching Captain America 2, and all I can think of is movie nights in boarding, or sleepovers, watching movies on our laptops. I miss that.

Slapping a smile on my face is getting harder, my laugh is starting to feel forced, but I refuse to give up. Ya'll know that I'm a stubborn S.O.B, and I'll continue on in order to get through this. I can't go back to high school, we can't go back in time, all we have are the memories, along with the power to affect our future. I'm going to continue moving forward, and gosh, this is probably going to end up as fodder for a slam poem (and I intend on joining the Slam Poetry team, which has a yearly trip to HIS college, which was another slap from the universe but whatever).

Damn, this is long....

Look like a girl,
Act like a lady,
Think like a man,
Work like a boss, ;)

Miss you,
Marisa <3

Oh My God People!

Days Alone: 4


This past week has been a whirlwind to say the least.

So many people. Guys I kinda don't know what to do with myself because there are a lot of people. Like ya know, I'm quiet and reserved sometimes and its hard with all of these people. Anyway,  the multiple introductions to the same person struggle is v real in my life right now. I thought I was good with names, but apparently I'm not.

So an update on what I have been doing:

So I got on campus last Friday for First Gen orientation. First Gen is anyone whose parents have not gone to a four year institution of higher learning. We, and the international kids, all get here before the entire class and get oriented. I mean I dunno, it was interesting, but I didn't really feel like I belonged. Most of the kids were either from New York or California, with a few other unimportant states scattered about. I couldn't really relate to the Californians and they all cliqued together anyway. I didn't really relate to the New Yorkers either. Most of them were from the city and when they asked were I was from and I said Westchester, I got the "Oh.....Westchester" look, if you know what I'm talking about. People were nice and stuff, but yeah no real prospects as far as friends go.

Being considered First Gen is really weird to me. Like my parents went to culinary school, so while technically they didn't go to college, they still got educated, they still have a trade. I have never though of myself as First Gen because of this. Also I feel like I don't have the traditional First Gen story. All the leaders of the program were students and at the beginning they all told us their stories, and some of them were really hard to hear. There were stories of abuse, immigration struggles, homelessness, controlling parents, etc. I don't have any of that. I went to a private boarding school, my parents are citizens, sure their divorce was messy and still is, but that is of no real burden to me, sure I live in a one bedroom apartment with my mom, but it is in a good neighborhood and my mom supports me and not the other way around. I just felt strange and like I didn't deserve to be there. I never have imagined my future with out the idea of going to college in it. It was just, like, the thing everybody does. I guess I have taken that for granted.

One highlight from my time in First Gen orientation was this conversation I had with one of the international students. It was with one of the most intelligent people I have met to date (Sorry Mr. Brooks); this dude from Shanghai. Both the First Gens and International students had all gone down to one of the fields for a big bonfire with s'mores and stuff. I was just loafing around, saying hi to people and introducing my self. The usual convos, name, where are you from, how are you liking it here, what classes are you going to be taking. I was taking to a bunch of people and then I some how found myself talking to this guy. He asked me what I was taking this fall and I said, "Intro to mechanics, Drawing 1, Multivariable Calc, and Borrowing and Stealing". He asked me to repeat the second one and from there on we went in to an amazing discussion of art, of the process of creating it, of the great masters and who is the greatest, modern vs classics. Then we went back to looking at the fire and we started talked about it as a piece of art, and the power of destruction, creation, and religions role in shaping our view of each of these things. Then somehow we started talking about what sports we do, which lead to a conversation about fencing, which lead to how one would actually fight in all that armor, which lead to how man's idea of beauty has changed over the years, which lead to a discussion on perfection and the power of flaws, hamartias, Shakespeare, language, the way in which how some one talks inform others opinions of them, and so on and so on. We talked for like three hours straight and it was so interesting I didn't even care. It was the first actual conversation I had with anyone that night. All I can say is guys we seriously need to real talk about philosophy more often. It was really cool and still is the highlight of my week.

After First Gen orientation the rest of the freshmen arrived, which was a little concerning because suddenly the campus was flooded with people. I have met all the people I'm living with and for the most part they seem okay. I am surprised how much certain people here, that I'm meeting now remind me of old friends from the hilltop. I keep finding little bit and pieces of all of you in others I'm meeting. I don't know if this is just because there is actually a lack of variation in the species or if it just me imagining in because I am missing everyone too much. I'm not even going to go into saying good bye to my mom.

In regards to the roommate situation, I am just not sure yet. I couldn't be here to greet her because of First Gen stuff, so I wrote her a note. When  I came back her side was all set up and I met her and her family, but nothing more than hellos were exchanged. I haven't really spoken much to her even though two days have passed since. We are polite and let each other know when we are going somewhere, but we haven't really talked. I have tried to situate myself in ways that would allow us to socialize, but she has been aligning herself with other parties. We co-habitate fine I guess. It is just weird living with someone who you have never really had a conversation with.

College concerns still remain the same. Social stuff. School Stuff. Also thank you Kyla and a worrying alcohol awareness presentation/dorm convo for stiring up my worries about the party scene on campus and in my own supposedly dry dorm.

So far, so swell.

Sincerely,
Jordan

This is the beginning

Well, girlies, we’re off! Hopefully all of you lovelies are getting settled in and adapting to the college life! I uh... I still haven't left home. I don't leave for another 6 days, so I have yet to experience anything even remotely close to what you guys are going through right now... but I'll catch up!

Being one of the last to leave of most of my friends has proven to be really tough for me. One by one, everyone is leaving (or has already left) and each hangout gets smaller and smaller as time goes by. I feel like I'm losing touch with some people, and not to sound awful, but I sort of expected that to happen. It's kinda sad just thinking about it - and I can't help but wonder if I'm actually going to be able to keep in contact with everyone, or if I'm just going to see them during breaks, or if this is it and we're just going to drift apart. I suppose only time will tell.

As I prepare to make the excruciating journey of an entire 30 minutes from the front door of my house to the front door of my apartment... I'm realizing that my mother has prepared me for any and all circumstances I may encounter while living without her hovering over me. (Literally anything - I'm pretty sure she's purchased a small army complete with supplies and a customized arsenal somewhere in this pile of junk, you know, JUST IN CASE I NEED IT). There is so, so much stuff here - hopefully there'll be enough space. And that brings me to: my living situation.

I'm going to be living in an apartment on the far edge of campus with 4 other girls. It has two bedrooms (one double and one triple), a kitchen, a bathroom, and maybe a little extra living space. We still have yet to work out the details of who is going to take which room and things like that, but from the (limited) conversations I’ve had with them (and a little bit of Facebook stalking let’sbehonesthere), they all seem pretty chill and we all share most of the same interests (or at least the really important ones anyway – did someone say DISNEY MOVIES? YES.) I'll let you girlies know what goes down in terms of roommate stuff once I get to know them a little better.

We have yet to register for courses, that'll happen during orientation. And get this - the reason we do it so much later is because we have to interview our potential professors for the classes we want to take to decide if we think we're compatible with them or not. If we think the professor is a total a$$hat and we don't think we'd get along, or we don' t think we'd thrive in that course, we don't have to take the class. How crazy awesome is that?

Though, I do know the First Year Study course that I'll be taking throughout the year will be Neuropsychological Narratives. It's a general psychology course that focuses on the mind, the brain, and the body; how they're interconnected yet affected differently by disorders; and a few other topics in that field - lots of case studies and research papers and memoirs and such.

I definitely feel like I'm forgetting something here, but I suppose this covers everything for the most part.

Bottom line: 

Am I sad? A little, yes. 

Am I nervous? Of course. 

Am I excited? ABSOLUTELY.

There are so many adventures waiting to be had, and new and exciting people to meet, and things to do and places to be, and all in all I'm feeling super optimistic about all of this!

EXCEPT I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED PACKING YET.

Oh well *shrug*

Here's to beginning new adventures!

- Alessia

P.S. I love this poem to pieces. Whenever I am starting or ending a journey, I just like to have it on hand. Maybe you've read it, maybe you haven't - thought I'd share it with you girlies anyway.

Aristotle

BY BILLY COLLINS

This is the beginning.

Almost anything can happen.

This is where you find

the creation of light, a fish wriggling onto land,

the first word of Paradise Lost on an empty page.

Think of an egg, the letter A,

a woman ironing on a bare stage

as the heavy curtain rises.

This is the very beginning.

The first-person narrator introduces himself,

tells us about his lineage.

The mezzo-soprano stands in the wings.

Here the climbers are studying a map

or pulling on their long woolen socks.

This is early on, years before the Ark, dawn.

The profile of an animal is being smeared

on the wall of a cave,

and you have not yet learned to crawl.

This is the opening, the gambit,

a pawn moving forward an inch.

This is your first night with her,

your first night without her.

This is the first part

where the wheels begin to turn,

where the elevator begins its ascent,

before the doors lurch apart.

This is the middle.

Things have had time to get complicated,

messy, really. Nothing is simple anymore.

Cities have sprouted up along the rivers

teeming with people at cross-purposes—

a million schemes, a million wild looks.

Disappointment unshoulders his knapsack

here and pitches his ragged tent.

This is the sticky part where the plot congeals,

where the action suddenly reverses

or swerves off in an outrageous direction.

Here the narrator devotes a long paragraph

to why Miriam does not want Edward's child.

Someone hides a letter under a pillow.

Here the aria rises to a pitch,

a song of betrayal, salted with revenge.

And the climbing party is stuck on a ledge

halfway up the mountain.

This is the bridge, the painful modulation.

This is the thick of things.

So much is crowded into the middle—

the guitars of Spain, piles of ripe avocados,

Russian uniforms, noisy parties,

lakeside kisses, arguments heard through a wall—

too much to name, too much to think about.

And this is the end,

the car running out of road,

the river losing its name in an ocean,

the long nose of the photographed horse

touching the white electronic line.

This is the colophon, the last elephant in the parade,

the empty wheelchair,

and pigeons floating down in the evening.

Here the stage is littered with bodies,

the narrator leads the characters to their cells,

and the climbers are in their graves.

It is me hitting the period

and you closing the book.

It is Sylvia Plath in the kitchen

and St. Clement with an anchor around his neck.

This is the final bit

thinning away to nothing.

This is the end, according to Aristotle,

what we have all been waiting for,

what everything comes down to,

the destination we cannot help imagining,

a streak of light in the sky,

a hat on a peg, and outside the cabin, falling leaves.

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/176050

The first 3 days.

Hi My Loves,

So here I am, at CU! I’m so excited and nervous. It’s so intense, and big, and wonderful here. I moved on Friday during the midafternoon and met my roommate AC. She’s pretty chill, except for the fact that she’s a BIG drinker, more than she led on, we’ll talk more about that later. But she’s really nice. I’ve realized over the past couple of days that you don’t need to be friends with your roommate, or even your hall mates, you just need to be able to get along.  Other than last night, we haven’t really hung out, which is okay, because we talk when we’re in the room. My hall mates are nice, I’m under the impression that they, for the most part, like to party, and some smoke; which I don’t do.

Orientation:

We’ve had a lot of free time. Each college has its own set of events that are scheduled from Friday to Monday. Today I don’t have anything at all. So this girl that I met at dinner last night wondered around campus from like 9am until around 12 pm, got tea and talked. It was fun! I SAW ROBERT LINK! He was moving in his sister on west campus. 

But yeah, back on activities. We had this thing called Cornell Essentials last night where we watched this video on the consequences of plagiarism. Like it gets put on your record, and they tell like grad, law and med schools about it. So it basically follows you forever…well, when you’re applying for a professional school.

I’m quite nervous about my classes. I’m taking 17 credits and they really stressed the fact that you’re not going to get A’s, which makes me sad. I’m also so excited about starting classes and having a routine.

Social:

Yeah. There are so many people here I was really overwhelmed at first. My roommate found a group of people right away and like was so enthusiastic about it, I kind of felt like “whoa, why aren’t I meeting people I click with”. But it takes time. I happened to meet this girl yesterday walking back from marching band auditions and went to dinner with her and her friends, and walked around with one of the people I met this morning, while we were looking for our orientation event that wasn’t really happening today.

I also experienced my first frat party. I hate it. All the drunk people, the pot, I was like freaking that I had inhaled too much second hand smoke. I went with my roommate and a couple of people she had met, and they all for the most part got shitfaced (excuse my language). It was not fun. One other girl didn’t drink either, but the others were incapacitated and we had to find food for them. But they made some pretty shitty decisions, involving drinking mysterious liquid from a trash bad that I heard had pot in it. At CU, if you want to party you can but I’m glad I met a few people who aren’t really into that type of stuff, because honestly it wasn’t fun.

I’m so excited for marching band. I’m thinking of joining volunteer group and amnesty international as well.

I really miss you guys. I’m kind of like, why do I need to make new friends when I have you, but you’re so far away. I’m so sad to be away from you guys, you really made Hackley amazing.

Till I type again,

1 Billion Hugs and Kisses

-Kyla

Making a living is hard

Hi Friends,

I must make this quick because I have a ton of work to do before orientation week starts so here goes!

I took the train up here and got put in a pretty crappy double in a suite with 4 other girls, but it's temporary so thank goodness! Between carrying my stuff up and down 4 flights of stairs and cleaning up some disgusting dorms, I think I'm getting buff (not really, but I like to hope I have some sort of reward for the soreness and tiredness).

Dorm Crew is fun, I'm meeting lots of people and getting paid a good amount for cleaning (vacuuming carpets for 8 hours is NOT my idea of fun, though damp dusting and sweeping weren't so bad), although food is ridiculously expensive and I'm starving all the time. I've already been overwhelmed with meeting a fraction of the kids doing Dorm Crew (about 300), and thinking about the other over 1000 freshmen my mind is blown. How will I ever remember anyone's names? But this week's been pretty cool because I basically got to hang out with different people at every meal and it was completely normal since we're all basically in the same boat. It is, however, also exhausting because not only do we do manual labor (I joke that we are the brawn of HC while the other pre-orientation programs are the brains) for eight hours a day, I also stay up until 2ish every day meeting and hanging out with new people. And I've developed an iced coffee addiction over the summer. HALP. I've also run into some awkward situations including finding a used condom under a bed I was cleaning, finding some cocaine, and having alcohol readily available to me.

I promised myself I would not drink, but I can't lie and say that I haven't been tempted. I've also been told that my college is extremely lenient about it, so the fear of consequences has also been diminished quite a bit. But, I have managed to stay away and I hope to continue to do so. I wish you all the best of luck at your various institutions as you undoubtedly will be facing similar situations. And please remember that I am your friend: there is no judgment and I am always here for you.

Tomorrow is the last day of Dorm Crew and the day in which I move into my actual dorm with my actual roommates, and I must say it is bittersweet. The work I've done in Dorm Crew is probably some of the hardest I've done in my life, but it was very rewarding in that I got to see some of the upperclassmen housing, I got to meet new people, and I get paid (although that kinda balances out if you take the cost of food into account).

Now I have to sign up for seminars (we have to write essays for each one we sign up for, and though they are start I am not in the mood to write essays in the last week of summer "break"), and read forty pages. Yay.

I hope you guys all had a good start/ will have a good start!
Keep me posted!
Love Always,
Juliet

PS: Check out my college Dorm Crew ALS Challenge on the Internets :) It was cold, but I felt like a celebrity because of all the tourists.

It is the Eve.

Deep breathing has been necessary.

As well as a couple of yoga breaks.

And there has been consumption of cake, on a grand scale.

But now I think I am ready to go. We have spent yesterday and today packing and I think we finally have got it all. Packing is weird. You have to go through everthing, collect everything. All of your stuff, box it, bag it, and there it is. All of you, in a trunk. It's weird, right?

I feel like I place a lot of power in our things. They become a part of me, a part of my still forming identities. Like in my room I have made the conscious decision to display magazine clippings, old movie ticket stubs, articles, some of my favorite records. Why? Because I like them; I look at them and say "hey that is something I like, and I want everyone who looks to see that. " It's weird. You want to know me, just look at my walls, but now they are bare. All my little scraps and bits tucked in folders and boxes. All my clothes, ugh, most of my clothes, are all in giant bags and suitcases, and I'm worried. Will I be able to construct my room, my space, myself at this new place? I don't know, and it is the not knowing that bothers me the most.

This post is late, and now I am in the car, on my way to the W and this is also weird. To get there we take almost the same path we take to get to almost canada, but about half way up we veer off to the right and plunge into a new state entirely. It's weird this mixing of old and new. How can something so familiar, just suddenly turns into something different? Again, it is the not knowing that bothers me.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Sincerely,
Jordan

The Times They Are A-Changin

So as we all know, we are about to undergo a huge change in our lives. We are going away from home (Juliet and Jordan, WE DONT HAVE WEEKENDS ANYMORE) and were not really coming back for months on end. For me, it wouldn't be a big deal...I mean I like being out in the world, but here's the kicker: IM GOING TO MIDDLE OF NOWHERE PENNSYLVANIA!!!

Now, I'm nervous for all the normal reasons. I mean sometimes I go nuts, whether its going full on ghetto, squealing for someone to love me or wrapping myself around people in order to show my love (which my mother recently described it as a confining embrace reminiscent of jail), I'll admit it: I'm crazy. No, I'm not confident...its just rigid posture, imposing wedges and a regular facial structure that says "I'm cute and cuddly....but I'll bite if provoked". I'm scared that people won't understand that and push me away. I'm scared that I won't have any friends. I'm scared that its all gonna be so hard that I lose my scholarships and I'll have to return home as a disgrace. I'm scared that my laziness will get the better of me and I'll end up a bum on the street. I'm scared of getting pregnant and dying (#abstinence #meangirls).

But most of all....I'm scared of nature.

Those of you who heard of my experiences with nature know that it is a scary thing and that I belong in my beloved concrete jungle where I can walk to the nearby bodega/C-town and grab that pint of Ben and Jerry's that I want at that moment without a second thought. But that's about to change. I am about to be plopped in the middle of nowhere...a good half hour from ANY DECENT CIVILIZATION!! I don't even know if I'll be able to adapt to that.

Now its time to calm down and get to the nitty gritty...
I have maybe five classes in my beautiful schedule: Perspectives, Writing and Thinking, Intro to Journalism, Intro to Religious Studies, and Acting: Stanislavsky Method. Earliest class is 9:00 and latest is Acting, which ends at 4:00.

I got into my second choice residence hall, which doesn't really bother me...I mean they all look the same. My roommate and I have been texting since August started, and we seem to get along well so far, and from our conversations we're probable going to have the longest story time in recorded history.

I move in in 3 days (yes this post is very late). I am nervous as all heck but I gotta smile, nod and be happy :)

You guys doubt yourself, but let's be real. You're all awesome and great and you're gonna make great friends in your respective colleges. I have faith in you guys...and I always will.

Love and kisses,
Back straight, Boobs out,
Your lovely,
Marisa <3

"Is this real life?"

I hope we all get that reference, because that video was excellent. Or at least excellent in that the quote, "Is this real life" is equally applicable to a variety of unrelated situations. Like when you're still loopy from anesthesia like David or about to move to college in two days like me. Eep! 

Friends, as you all know I am a serial procrastinator. But this is getting serious- I am still not packed and I leave Monday!! And so naturally, I continue to ignore the problem and have been watching Grey's Anatomy (shoutout to Kyla) religiously...and now I'm writing this post. 

First, Jordan, deep breaths. I know exactly how you feel, and the physical discomfort is growing stronger and is rapidly becoming harder to ignore as the hours fly by. It also may have something to do with the fact that I have no idea what classes I'm taking, and I'm supposed to sign up for freshman seminars beforehand, and the other day they decided to assign us 40 pages of reading to complete before we move in (which is the 25th officially). Way to go, HU/C (still not sure how I should refer to it, though they seem to stress the C). 

In any case (sorry, getting derailed again), I think we all (this might actually just be you and me Jordan) need to relax. Like you said, JJ, college IS supposed to be the best four years of our lives, and I think worrying about it so extensively takes away from the experience. Live a little (yes, I did just type that) and enjoy the moments while they're happening. Also, don't worry about the diversity thing. You do you, that's all anyone can ask (and in my opinion, that's more than enough). You aren't anyone diversity factor or anything like that, and if anyone tries to make you the resident POC (although I doubt that's likely), you set them straight. Speak up for yourself! You're whoever you want to be, and you can't be labeled or told who to be by anyone else. Fun fact: If you worry about making friends you're going to be more awkward and thus have a harder time making friends. Relax and BE YOU. They'll take you as you are or they don't deserve to have you as a friend. I think I speak for the rest of us when I say we are honored to be your friends. 

And Kyles, I agree, the jeans thing is throwing me off. It keeps hitting me like, "Wait, whoa, I can wear normal clothing? I can roll out of bed and to class? Sweet!" #iwokeuplikethis#flawless(#sorrynotsorry) And thank you for the reassurance and for the minifridge tip :) <3 Don't let them middle schoolers pull you down! Also, can we be workout buddies? MOTIVATE ME  because standing and sitting around all day has made me fat and I need to exercise and you are one of the most motivated people I know. plz halp (like adopt me plz, get it?) 

Sorry for being all over the place guys, how unpacked (?) I am is actually making me really anxious. I really think all this procrastinating and agonizing over my stupidity is going to give me an ulcer one day. 

I miss you guys so much it hurts! I hope to see your pretty faces often via Skype? 

Let's hope I can actually pack in the next 24ish hours.

Looking forward to a week of scrubbing toilets and crossing my fingers that I don't scare off any potential friends, 
Love always, 
Juliet 

*Starts Hyperventilating*

I have rewritten this post a bunch of times and each time it has come out wrong. It has been with too glum or too melodramatic or too silly. I am sort of feeling all the feels when it comes to going off to college and I don't really know what to do about it. I feel like I have no idea what in the world I have gotten myself into. Right now, when I think about college the feels are like 50% worry, 20% actual physical discomfort deep in my chest, 12% guilt, 10% excitement, and 8% confusion.

I don't know. College is advertised as the best time of your life, and I don't know if I buy that at this point. There are just too many feelings being felt when I start thinking about going away. I start thinking of all the people I am going to miss (you guys) and how I totally wasted this summer (#couchpotato) and how I have been 18 for two months as of today and how I have done nothing with my life and how I am totally unqualified to go to college and that I am just going to be a complete failure and *starts hyperventilating*

And that is what keeps happening. I feel like nothing could/ should ever be worth this amount of stress. So now I need to rationalize it and talk it out with my computer screen.

Okay a Positive:

My dorm room is gonna be the bomb-digity (if we ignore the other half). All of you who have been in my room know I definitely have a special touch when it comes to dorm decorating ( I am available  for consulting if needed). Also I have two windows on the fourth floor, so awesome views right. Also there are hardwood floors. No elevator so that is going to be a pain moving in, but ya know exercise is good. Also I am getting to campus early, so first dibs, I will take no prisoners, move out of my way because I am taking my territory. Also my wardrobe struggles have been acknowledged by the Gods, so I have been feeling very happy.

A source of anxiety:

In creating a dorm/ roommate pairing the big W looks to create " the best and most diverse" environment. I don't know about you, but that sounds kind of social experimenty to me. Like is the goal of the college just to mush a bunch of people of differnt backgrounds together and hope they all become the bestest of friends. In my experience that usually doesn't happen, even under the best conditions. I also don't like the idea of being the "diversity factor" in this situation. It makes me feel wired and gross. I dont want to be the source of someone else's cultural enrichment, or at least I don't like that that is what my supposed position in the dorm is supposed to be. I don't want to be the resident POC.  I might just be politicizing something that is actually no big deal, but I dunno right now I am worried.

Positive:

My classes are gonna be pretty great, if I do say so myself. Intro to Mechanics, because everyone loves them some physics, especially Marisa. Drawing 1, because even though its sounds like it is for basic beaches I am going to rock it, two hours of art two times a week, let's go! Borrowing and Stealing: An Introduction to Originality in Literature and Culture, because even though the title is crazy long it is going to be crazy cool and will help be deal with my fear that anything I ever make will be derivative of something else. Speaking of derivatives, Multivariable Calculus! yeah... that's just there so I don't forget how to do it. So yes school is going to be great and not at all scary.

Concern:

This. This is very concerning. Please scroll, read, be enlightened. Some of this is very not good, very not good. It also raises my concerns as to how I am going to fit into this place. As you all know I have a very... Unique personality, and I honestly don't know how any of you ended up my friends, so my question is how on earth am I going to be able to make new ones? Advice, suggestion, help?

Positive:

I have rediscovered the internet. In my state of perpetual sloth I have found Stylelikeu. It has been a godsend and has filled many of my hours. I especially like the what's underneath project. Summer is usually when I reboot my style, and this has been very helpful.

Positive:

I have this blog to keep in touch with all of you

Best Wishes,
Jordan :)

Throws up words.

Hey gals.

Yes, I said gals. I guess it’s my time to write my going-to-college-farewell-so-long-post.

But first I have a few PSAs.

PSA #1: Jordan, I think this is a GREAT idea, and I commend you for bringing it to our attentions, I’m so excited to read everyone’s posts about your time at college!

PSA #2: In an answer to your question, Juliet, I think that you are so smart and totally capable of pursing any path in medicine that you want. You’re like one of the smartest people I know.

Okay so I’ll start now.

I’m really going to miss you guys. I think that the past, two years for some of you, four years for others, with you guys have been some of the best. You all have been my best friends, my comrades, my confidants etc. and I will miss you all so much. It really bums me out that we won’t all get the chance to hang out one more time, but hopefully we’ll reunite again sometime soon!

Right about now, I’m watching 20/20 “Sleeping with the Enemy,” sitting in an orange chair, with the blinds shut, scared out of my mind and avoiding summer work (yes, I leave in 10 days…sue me). So I’ve decided to write, and just to make sure I cover everything, I’m going to have different sections, so bear with me.

Dorm/Roommates: So as some of you guys know I’ve pretty much had my roommate situation settled since like April. My roommate is awesome, and we have a lot in common (love of the Mindy Project and Disney movies to name a few). She’s from Singapore, so she’s an international student, so we’ll see how that works out. She’s also a Hotelie (Hotel School), so I think her major is Hotel something-or-other and management (what a horrible roommate I am). I also have “pod” mates, whose identities I “officially” do not know, although Facebook has taught me a lot.

Packing: Well up until 5 pm Saturday I had two mini fridges. My mommy and I had a bit of a fiasco last weekend. We rushed out and bought a fridge, did research, then bought another. We then unpacked both, compared them, made an educated decision then had to pack one back up and transport it back. It was VERY tedious. The floor in my room is covered with clothing, and suitcases and the basement has a bunch of crates. I’ve been doing laundry since forever.

PSA# 3: If you get a mini fridge, let it sit upright and unplugged for at least 24 hours so that all the cooling chemicals settle, if you don’t the compressor (what allows the fridge to get cool) gets over worked because there aren’t enough lubricants for it to work smoothly, so the fridge will get really hot and may burn out. So no matter how long it wasn’t up right, or if it was brought to your room, before you use it, just let it sit. Fires are bad.

But yeah, back on the topic of shopping. I got jeans, because I had like 2 pairs before. Lol. Hackley. I’ve gotten bedding and everything like that, all I have left to get is food and soap.

Major/School stuff: I’ve already picked my classes (cell bio, gen chem 1, calc 1, black American history, investigative bio lab, and swimming 101) and have gotten my books. Wooh! I’m going to be a Biological Sciences major, hoping to concentrate in molecular/cellular biology and I’m planning on exploring ethics (Bio+Society major) and international relations (would have to be a minor). On top of that, I’m exploring the concept of being pre-med (I’m going to go to the orientation for the program when I get up there). I’m not quite sure what I want to do with bio, I know I like the idea of medicine, and you guys know about my interest in trying to contribute to achieving proper healthcare for young girls in developing nations, so we’ll see. I also have this vision of myself wearing argyle socks and a sweater vest teaching a bunch of students in college. No. That was a joke. Just no. I’ve already made a list of organizations that I think I would like to join once I get up there, one being the Amnesty International one.

Job: It was an experience. I now know I DO NOT want to EVER be a teacher of children. NEVER. On the other hand I got to know a couple of our former classmate’s better, which was cool. I also learned that you don’t always work with people who take their jobs seriously, some people take advantage and don’t do what they are supposed to do. Example: Me teaching a lesson to students that should have been taught by the lead teacher, who was unsurprisingly absent for an hour doing God knows what. Plus, he was really creepy. Long story.

OH! AND FINDING A JOB ON CAMPUS IS VERY HARD. I’ve already been rejected from one at the library because they’re not hiring. But, I got an offer from the dining services, so that’s pretty chill.

My feelings on going to CU: I’m super psyched. I’m looking forward to meeting new people and taking classes. I’m kind of nervous about how big it is, and how hard I hear that my chem class will be, but I know I can do it! I tend to obsess over things so I’m going to have to not do that…haha… I’m really going to miss my parents, although it will be nice to be out on my own.  But overall, I’m super pumped, I think it’s going to be great.

This summer: I’ve been pretty much in my own head. Reflecting. Thinking. Listening. I’ve discovered that I have a love for Dave Mathews and John Meyer. Oh, and I’ve successfully started and failed to run. I’m kind of a fan. I started towards the end of work to cool off, and the quit because I was so tired. I’m going to start back up this week since I have no brats running around me hissing like cats and calling be “Becky”…Again, long story.

I’ll really miss you guys. I know I’m not the oey-gooiest person, can be quite sarcastic and I don’t cry/laugh at many movies, but the thought about not seeing you guys for months makes me really sad.

Pce.Lve.Dont.Be.Basic.

Looking forward to reading about you,

Adios,

Kyla